Eat Fresh

 Stupid Subway.

 “Yes, sir, what would you like?” the man at the counter askes me.

“Footlong Italian Herb and Cheese…”

“Yes,” grabbing the bread.

“With roast beef and turkey.”

Cuts it open. Hands over bread to next Subway girl.

She puts about five slices of roast beef on the bread. Looks up.


“Yes, but I also need turkey.”

“Turkey?” Proceeds to give the man a damning look on her left, starts taking roast beef off.

“No, roast beef and turkey. Both.”

The man gives me a stare.

“A club. Without ham,” I explain.

“Oh.” Takes a slice of roast beef off, add four slices of turkey.

Slides it over to next Subway girl.


“I wanted cheese.”

Gives previous Subway girl on her left a damning look, slides it back.

“He wants cheese.”

She puts cheese on, and as she does so I remind her I want it toasted.

She doesn’t hear me, slides it back to the Subway girl.

“Lettuce?” she asks me again.

“I wanted that toasted.”

Shoots girl to her left another damning look, slides the sandwich back.

“He wants its toasted.”

She slides it to the first guy.

“He wants it toasted.”

He gives her a look, and puts it in the toaster. After a minute, takes it out, slides it to girl on his right, who slides it to the second girl on her right.

“Lettuce?” she asks me for a third time.

“Yes please. Also, tomato, green peppers, onion, cucumber…”

Puts topping on sandwich.

“Anything else?”

“Yes, could I get a bit of ranch and chipotle?”

Applies ranch, begins cutting sandwich in half.

“Sorry…a bit of chipotle as well?”

“Ok.” Squirts some chipotle.

“And some black pepper sprinkled on top?” as she begins to fold up the sandwich.

Shoots me a look, reaches for green peppers.

“No, we already had green peppers. Just a little bit of black pepper.” I point to it on the sill and make a jerking motion with my hand.

Good, done. That was easy.

Slides it over to cashier guy.

“Value meal?” he asks.

“No, I’m set. Thanks.”

Hand over my credit card. Notice the sign says no signature required, but seriously contemplating checking the receipt.

Slides me my sandwich.

I walk over to find a table. Open up my sandwich, and see that it is wheat.

“What the?” Screw it, I’m too hungry.

Open the sandwich, to discover there is ham inside. Not my sandwich, the guy handed me the wrong one.

Get up, walk back to Subway. Another guy is there, sees me with a sandwich in hand, and tells me that was his. I offer it to him, but he dismisses it, telling me they are making him another one from scratch.

“Good luck,” I tell him. I mean it.

They still have my sandwich and give it to me. I walk back to the table and sit down. A few bites into my sandwich, a lady walks by, and gets my attention.

“Oh, do you know where Subway is?”

Groaning, I point her in the right direction. Hey, it was a good lunch once I got around to actually eating it…

2 responses to “Eat Fresh

  1. All hail the don’t-give-a-crap worker!


  2. Now that’s just funny. Of course, it wasn’t me.

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