Julia Allison

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So I was skimming through Valleywag today when I came across the following charming photo heading an article on some Silicon Valley techies who attended the Tech Crunch event, which is as social as anyone gets out there. My first reaction was “wow, everyone looks way too happy for their own good around that girl” and then I recognized the man on the left playing pattycake with the girl. This man is Barney Pell, the founder and CEO of Powerset, a company that promises to transform search navigation by leveraging artificial intelligence, and has been hiring engineers by the day away from Google. I met him at a Memorial Day BBQ my older brother hosted in San Francisco, and when I asked how such a man of brilliance found his way here among us, my brother answered, “Hey, he’s single…you know, he wants to meet people.” Ah, I thought as I looked around the room – I have to admit, my brother does provide value added. Plus he was a chill guy, as far as those really smart people in the Valley go. So all power to you Barney, it looks like you have competition from the line of nerds behind you, but this girl could add some flavor to your life.

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Tech Crunch afterparty. He is totally checking out her… pizza

Then I took a second look at the photo – ok, I admit I checked out the girl first, fine – third look at the photo – and thought, ‘man, this girl looks awfully familiar’. Then I remembered: I went to school with her at Georgetown. My memories of Julia are of a girl who would prance around campus in revealing clothing (that skirt was short enough even by Georgetown standards) that was ubiquitously white or pink, carry this little white dog with her, and write a weekly column ‘Sex on the Hilltop’ in our student newspaper, The Hoya. She was clearly good at self promotion, and got on the news for her column, and was a bit of, I don’t know what the correct word is, but “a source of curiousity’ might cover it. I also distinctly remember every girl I talked to shoot her a look of disdain and refer to her as “that slut”. Which I guess really didn’t really differentiate her that much from everyone else, but you get the picture, clearly there were some issues.

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Anyway, last I heard she was trying to get a show on TV, but hadn’t heard much since, until today. The article pointed out she is the new editor at large for Star Magazine, which apparently earns her in excess of $100,000. This would also explain perhaps why she chooses to use a different name than what she went by in college. Her website, juliaallison.com reveals she has been quite busy since graduating. She continued to write weekly columns and made appearences on CNN, MSNBC, Fox, and CBS. She also worked on the Hill as an LA and speech writer during school, and provided commentary for Comcast TV for the elections. So pretty much she is Legally Blonde meets Paris Hilton meets Carrie Bradshaw. And now she gained new heights, or as Jossip put it, “Julia Allison’s pronounced chest will represent Star on the TV”.

Gawker just can’t get enough of her, continuing to seemingly track her every movement, from polo matches she attends to her tv appearences. In fact, no fewer than 99 (and certainly counting) stories pop up when I do a search on their web site. However, she clearly grates some readers the wrong way: their recent Mailbag began with:

Regarding Julia Allison: “Please stop writing about her. She is dull, dull, dull, dull. Thanks in advance!” And another! “Please just fucking stop it already. Thanks.” And more! “Could you guys do an intervention or something? It’s kind of gross at this point.”

A search of Youtube reveals she has quite generously dontated footage of herself on TV. “Why does the video fade in and out?” one commentator asks below, perhaps a little too serious to learn more about the Trump’s feud with Rosie. Because the user, one Julia Allison, spliced it so you could only hear her parts. Duh. The video is below.

Her website does have some items of interest though. Scrolling through I noticed she provided links to all her old articles from college, she gave a tour of her apartment on her blog (with Gawker’s take here), and I saw a photo of that damn dog again – in fact let’s post it here:

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Anybody would have that look if they had to hang around Julia all day

She also loves posting videos and photos of herself, and..oh, did I mention, more videos and photos of herself?

I don’t really know what the moral of this story/post is, but I guess whoring yourself out to every man and media outlet does get you somewhere (although I think we all agree we are somewhat glad we are not there with her). But Julia Allison, formerly of Georgetown, I commend you for embodying the Jesuit ideal of “Being men and women for others”. I give you credit for your success. And seriously, let me know if you want Barney’s number – he’s a shy guy, but trust me, he has the goods.

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