Metro Story

My coworkers and I frequently shared Metro stories with each other, because life is never boring on the Red and Orange lines during rush hour. That it is, until she moved close to the office, and I was the only one left with the strange Metro encounter stories.

Here is my most awkward commute ever, on the way back from work yesterday.

1) I enter into the Orange Line Metro car, and look around for a seat. The handicap seat is open, with a short but stocky man occupying the adjoining seat. I turn around to sit down, suddenly feeling a hand underneath my ass. It was the man next to me. I kinda of jumped up, and he too looked surprised. Apparently he was half asleep, not awake as it seemed, and while I assumed his hand, which was resting next to him, would be withdrawn as poeple were sitting down, he did not, resulting in a very uncomfortable situation.

2) As we are nearing Metro Center, the train slows down (as it, and every other Metro car, normally does). Yet some woman dressed in a power suit goes flying literally five yards down the aisle and lands in my lap. I was too stunned to react, but others helped her to her feet, but it took a while to get her up, as I could do little but have my body serve as a seat cushion for about ten seconds until the momentum of the train slowed.

3) Finally free of the Metro, I make my way home. Near the Soviet Safeway, a mom is walking with a kid ahead of her. The kid, barely higher than my knee, is running towards me down the sidewalk yelling with glee, and as he comes close to me, raises his left hand in the air. Confused, but certainly not wanting to leave him hanging, I stick out my left hand in a friendly manner to slap him high five.

The kid nears me, hand still raised, and runs smack into my hand.

With his face.

Fuck, I guess he wasn’t going for a high five…What the hell else was that?  A sieg heil?  The momentum from running into my hand wheels him to the side and knocks him down. I was staring ahead at this time still, walking forward, so I could see the mother’s reaction. She just had this look of utter shock on her face, as if I had just smit her firstborn. Which I might well have done, but I wasn’t sticking around to find out. The kid seemed ok, and not wanting to make this more awkward than it was, continued on, The Killers playing in my IPod.

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